Where am I at right now?

Truthfully, I feel stretched thin, ragged, and ready to just turn it in and hide for a while. My second little boy is due in early September and I've been riding the razor's edge near physical and mental burnout since well before April.

See, we found out we were pregnant on New Year's Eve. This kiddo was prayed for and hoped for through loss and heartache for nearly two years. Finding out was a massive surprise and the best start to the new year we ever could have asked for. But with the excitement also came stress. What if we experienced another loss? What if we went to another ultrasound appointment and didn't see a heartbeat? What if things didn't go well? What if? I feel like I've been holding my breath all year waiting for something to go wrong and I know…

Well folks... This one got me today. Full-blown panic when I got an email from my wife while I was working saying, "Call me right now." She's 29 weeks pregnant and had our 5-year-old son in the car with her on their way to an ultrasound appointment when they were rear-ended by a teenager driving aggressively in a one-lane construction zone. Officers and the trucker who stopped as a witness said impact was around 50 mph while my wife was completely stopped for traffic. And I believe it. The trunk floor is shoved all the way forward into the rear sub-frame and diff and both trailing arms are bent badly. It'll be a right-off I'm sure.

Enough about the car though. My boy was checked out on the scene and cleared by paramedics and went home with my best friend who dropped everything (bless the man) and rushed to help…

I struggle really bad with anxiety surrounding judgment. I’m driving my first “official” drift event this weekend and i am absolutely terrified of embarrassing myself in front of everyone. I’ve been practicing on the sim as often as i can and i’d like to think i’m pretty good considering the last “event” i drove was in 2016 and i haven’t drifted an actual car since like 2018.

I’ve been a part of the drift community since 2014, you’d think i could go out there with a good head on my shoulders knowing the support i have from my peers, but ya girl is a wreck ngl. Could use some words of encouragement to help get me through the next few days of constant worrying 🙃 Oh also, the car i’m driving is currently not running as of three days ago, so we’ve also got to rush and figure that out…

Crazy Times out there! Sometimes you might just need to talk to someone to make sense out of things. So, if you’re in need of a shoulder, and ear or even a kidney, holla at ya boy! I’m not a therapist but I listen without judgement and sometimes, I give sage advice. Anywho, you’re not alone!